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September 2, 2013 at 5:01 am #16421DanMember
Last weekend my friend got married and he was not just any friend he was the friend that I turned to when I feel the signal life really making me sad but he is married now and I feel that I have nobody in my shoes and I feel very sad because I think about the future and will I ever be married have sex or if not then what am I supposed to do everywhere I look I see this
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September 4, 2013 at 4:45 am #18844YouthspaceModerator
Oh wow, Dan.
I know that relationships are a very painful topic for you. I’m sorry to hear that you are feeling so deserted in the wake of this friend’s wedding. I can tell that it threw into your face all of the things that remind you of how alone you feel, as well as removing one of the supports to which you could turn. You look at the experience that your friend is having, and I can sense the pain radiating from you, the thoughts that roll through your mind.
I have no answers for you, Dan. I wish so badly that I did, because your mind must just be buzzing with all of those questions about marriage and sex, and loneliness. All I can really say is that we are here to hear you, and to listen to the pain and the thoughts. We haven’t heard from you in a while Dan, and I get that this has put you in a really dark place. Are you having many thoughts about suicide right now?
Sending love to you,
The Support Team -
September 4, 2013 at 5:25 am #18845DanMember
I have being good on the outside I have a cold and it makes me reflect the emotional pain inside of me I have suicidal thoughts but I feel that what is the point of telling somebody I lost all hope because there is two results hospital or taking my life I feel that I have nothing to look forward to I just want to be like everybody else: (
I do get to be loved i am a job and I have a job to keep everybody happy that is my task i am not special enough to have personal life here is where the suicidal thoughts come
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September 6, 2013 at 5:47 pm #18846YouthspaceModerator
Dan,
It seems you are writing from a very philosophical place – I see you questioning the meaning of life, your location in the world and the job that you hold which gives you purpose. But I can see the profound sadness that this job brings you; you feel that it is your place in life to keep everyone else happy, yet you yourself struggle to find joy.It makes my heart ache to think of you feeling unworthy of having a personal life Dan. You are so special and unique, and while I don’t have the power to change anything for you I hope you know that you do deserve to find love and happiness.
I get the sense that you feel trapped without any options right now – and I want you to know that we are here to Chat about options and connect you to resources if that interests you. Our volunteers are online 6-11pm everynight.
Hoping to hear from you soon,
The Support Team -
September 14, 2013 at 3:14 am #18849DanMember
Something I have a really hard time facing happen this week on my watch a careworker quit and that is ok on the outside I really feel like nobody cares I am getting a headache every day because I am so sad and at the end of this 20 days of care people I am in bad shape I want to end it but I don’t at the same time nobody cares and that the truth when this care person quit she ended all contact with me like I was nobody this 20 days I have been holding the feelings back but I can’t run forever I have to make a dustion I can keep fighting or I can give up and I really am wanting to give up I am feeling pretty hopeless
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September 16, 2013 at 2:20 am #18851YouthspaceModerator
Oh Dan
It sounds as though you’re struggling to keep a smile on your face but inside you’re crying out… it’s as if you’ve spent all of your energy to keep the house nicely painted but the foundation on the inside is rotting and crumbling around you without anyone really seeing the damage. I’m so sorry to hear that this care worker left you feeling abandoned and I truly appreciate that you take the time to share your feelings with us here at youthspace.
I can hear how heavy the darkness is becoming around you and how loud those thoughts of suicide are ringing inside of your head… I also hear though that there is a part of you still wanting to fight to stay alive. I’m wondering what keeps that part of you fighting to live? We are here to listen to you Dan and I hope you’ll chat in with us one of these nights if the feelings become too much to carry alone.
The Support Team
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September 18, 2013 at 4:30 am #18854DanMember
My parents are back now i am feeling up and down because the events of the last couple of weeks now I have time to really think of the whole wanting a girlfriend will i get one both my brothers have a girlfriend and I have a feeling that I won’t have the same love they experience and that makes me sad
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September 20, 2013 at 5:49 am #18856YouthspaceModerator
Dan,
I’m so sorry to hear that the last few weeks have been so filled with painful blows. I can hear how seeing the way that the care worker just cut off contact was a huge, ugly experience for you; it seems to feed right into the feeling you have of being “just a job” — like if you mattered more to people, then they would feel it important to keep a connection with you — even if they weren’t being paid to do so. :’(
If I’m reading it right, for you, your parents are a stabilizing force and things have become a little more manageable with them back? I can hear though, that that doesn’t change the feelings, and that you’re still painfully aware of the romantic relationships of people around you. You look at the girlfriends that your brothers have, and you feel sadness and loneliness as you wonder if you will ever have that chance.
How are you coping right now Dan? Things have been high and low a lot for you lately… We’re here for ya.
The Support Team
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September 26, 2013 at 3:06 am #18864DanMember
I had a meeting with the person I talk with weekly and I was feeling strong emotions but I don’t say them because I know that nobody can help it is a lot of up and down emotional roller coster sometimes I feel that nobody cares because when I think about the past I feel so lonely and when I have my pills I am feeling good the sad part is I do think that is me
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September 28, 2013 at 1:05 am #18867YouthspaceModerator
Hey Dan,
It sounds like you’re feeling things pretty intensely at the moment and some part of you wants to share all of this with the people in your life and yet, at the same you’re reluctant to do so because you’re scared sharing how you feel with people won’t really bring you the support you’re looking for or even worse, they won’t care.
I can hear how alone you feel and how much you’re longing for meaningful and loving contact with someone. I can imagine that riding that roller coaster of ups and downs is pretty draining and it would be a welcome relief for you to have someone you cared about who cared about you, be there with you through it all.
If I am reading it right, I get the sense that though you feel better when you’re taking your pills, you’re worried that your medication is simply masking your unhappiness. I’d imagine that might make you feel even more despairing, to think that even your moments of happiness aren’t real.
I am glad you felt able to share how you’re feeling, Dan and we’re always here to listen to you.
The Support Team
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