I just want to talk…

Why am I here? Why did I come here? There is nothing here for me.

Alone.

Defeated.

I don’t know why I am here in the first place. I don’t know why I left and came here. It’s been a total of 9 months since I came here. I left because I had nothing; I now came to nothing, no purpose of me being here. A part of me ran from the uncertainty just to make sense of things and start anew. Now, I have nothing where I live and there is nothing here for me. I am 800km from where I was and 800km of uncertainty that I brought myself to.

My only family member who I had accepted a job position for and lived with kicked me out December 1st and she doesn’t even ask how I have been. I have offered to go out for lunch or dinner, she responded but hasn’t put any more into just sitting to have a nice meal. I came to nothing, no one and I thought I was coming to something that would turn my life around, it only left me with nothing, being alone.

By day I am alone by night I work and have some sort of life, I come home to nothing no one, no one to talk to or hang with. I text my friend who is 800km away and try to text others, like co-workers just so I have someone to talk to, so I don’t feel alone in my room.

I lost someone, a close friend who we connected very well and I’m moving on, nothing will change the fact of our friendship with one another when both our lives and personal struggles have clearly interfered our close bond of friendship.

I am used to others walking away from me or I had to walk away, I always get over it and move on because if nothing will change now, it wont later when the trying got giving up. Having others walk out of your life or you walking out their life, has happened to me too many times.